Ray: Were you afraid of reaching middle age, Marianne, and have you truly released those fears?
Marianne: My fiftieth birthday hit me hard. In the two or three months before that birthday, it was rough.
I talked to people who had already turned fifty, and a few good friends said they had absolutely been through the same thing I was going through. And two people said to me, “But then, all of a sudden, it lifts.”
I had that same experience. The day of my fiftieth birthday I was in Paris. I was sitting in a café, looking toward the Eiffel Tower, and all of a sudden it lifted. I got it—I understood that some new phase had begun.
But, yes, it was hard, because that’s when you know your youth is irrevocably over. Before you’re fifty, you can say things like, “Well, I’m still a young man or woman.” Once you’re fifty, you can’t say that anymore. It’s a demarcation.
In our society, it’s very easy to let it hit you like a truck. You go around for a long time relating more to who you’re not anymore than to who you are.
It’s funny: You never hear a thirteen year old saying, “I wish I was still nine.” A child is excited about leaving where they’ve been and going to where they’re going. But on the other end of life, in this second puberty, that’s usually not the case.
How can we forge a new conversation here? Werner Erhard said you can live according to circumstances or you can live out of a vision. If you just live out of mortal circumstances, age is a bitch.
But if you live out of a vision where wisdom, higher consciousness, and deeper understanding are the real generators of breakthroughs, then it’s an entirely different conversation that leads to an entirely different experience.