Those Who Remember
I wonder why certain deaths break my heart
even as I think of life death life death, breathing out in
as a beating heart, not a broken one
and obedient lungs.
The aching ones are often not the ones I’d expect.
Maybe it’s when death is unexpected
for them
for me
unexpected names, memories
from too many beats ago
my reckless disregard or too great certainty
the wrong kind
for what is certain is the end.
Maybe it’s when there are children, left forever
well, not forever, not for them either
who look so alike, are so much like them
they might not have left at all.
Sometimes I can’t even catch my breath or
slow my mind to catch up to the absence
of people who had been absent
for whom I’d been absent
for so long
or maybe not long at all
a single beat.
Always, then
I hug my son,
go for a walk or out to dinner with him
we come back home
and I get back at it
isn’t that awful
just keep going with one more ache
one more wound
until it stops
and the wound is for others
for those who’ve forgotten me
and for those who remember.
When I read this poem, I recall the words at the end of my long autobiographical piece Bowling in Chicago, which concludes: “This I know: The people you love, you always love.”
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Very thoughtful and meaningful. We all lose loved ones and often don’t know how to express our thoughts and grief. Thanks for sharing!!!
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