Poem: To have and to hold until death has no part

To have and to hold until death has no part

He had a secret.
He grabbed you and pulled you in
hugged your head against
his chest, shoulder
tightly so tightly
I’d never imagined such a hug
with strength I didn’t imagine he had
with strength he didn’t have
when he could no longer raise his aged body
bones
from his motorized easy chair
when he couldn’t get up
still that hug,
still that hug
when he couldn’t get up
having slipped and collapsed
to the shower floor
naked, wet, angry
still that hug
when he couldn’t feed himself
still that hug
every hug
with everything
all his love
all his life
still that hug
until he died.

I thought I knew how to hug someone
but I was wrong.

I have a secret now.
He gave it to me.
You grab and hold them
you pull them into your love as
if you’d traveled back
from long after
after you died
after they died
and had this moment
this one moment to hold
to hold them
to hold them now
to hold them forever.

I still feel his hugs.
It is the only way to
hug someone, to love someone,
until you die.

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